RECISION CELL PHONE DRILL TEAM - Welfare Reform Version (new improved)
From: Andrew Boyd, United for a Fair Economy
Drill Sergeant Drill Team
DS: (whistle)
DT: Boom Chugga Lugga Lugga...
DS: Presenting Acting Governor Celucci's Precision Cut and Slash Team! - previously known as the Department of Public Welfare, now known as the Department of Transitional Assistance!
DT: Sergeant Claire Macintyre Reporting!
DS: Fall in!
DS: Locate scapegoat!
DT: (hand motion) Lazy women with no morals looking to be paid for their mistakes, Sir!
DS: Whaaaaat? Unacceptable!! What can we do about this soldier?
DT: Make em get a job sir?
DS: (silence)
DT: Uh, make em work for their grant, Sir?
DS: And what will this achieve?!
DT: Indentured servitude, Sir!
DS: What else?!
DT: Low and middle class job scramble, Sir!
DS: And?!
DT: Lower wages all around, Sir!
DS: Now, where should middle class mothers be?!
DT: At home with their children, Sir!
DS: And where should mother's below the poverty line be?!
DT: Working at McDonald's, Sir!
DS: And their children?!
DT: Who cares sir!
DS: I can't hear you!
DT: WHO CARES SIR!
DT: But, Sir? Sir? I have a question, Sir!
DS: What is it?!
DT: What about the one's who can't work, Sir?!
DS: CAN'T work?!
DT: Yeah, I mean, some of the women on my case load are disabled, or they really can't afford good childcare, or some of them are...
DS: Do you want to keep your job?!
DT: Ah... (or silence)
DS: Remember: welfare worker one day, welfare recipient the next!
DT: Yeeeeahh..., Sir! (stammering)
DS: Are we all with the program now?!
DT: Yes, Sir!
DS: And what is our motto?!
DT: Blind, crippled, or crazy-Everyone can work, Sir!
DS: Prepare to cut and slash!
Present scissors!
What are we going to do about immigrants?!
DT: Cut eligibility, Sir!
DS: Teen parents?!
DT: Cut livability, Sir!
DS: Repeat Offenders?!
DT: Cut visibility, Sir!
No extra money for extra children, Sir!
DS: And everyone else?!
DT: Two year time limit, Sir!
DS: What about abused women?!
DT: It's their own fault, Sir!
DS: Disabled children?!
DT: Orphanage, Sir!
DS: Child care?!
DT: Television, Sir!
DS: Very good girls! Very good! Disengage! Your fingers must be very tiredSmanicures all around!
DS: Alright, ladies, what do we tell em when they ask why we haven't cut corporate welfare?
DT: Women and children first, Sir!
DS: OK, ladies, prepare to march! On your left, left, left-right-left!
[marching chant: DS "call" & DT "response" format]
[DS] [DT]
Workfare is a better way! Workfare is a better way!
To work'em harder for less pay! To work'em harder for less pay!
Republicrats can hardly wait! Republicrats can hardly wait!
To send poor mothers to their fate! To send poor mothers to their fate!
Sound off! Lazy slob!
Sound off! Get a job!
Sound off! This year poor folks...you're next!
Right face! (turn right)
Far right face! (turn right again)
Extreme right face! (turn right again)
Fall out! Boom Chugga Lugga Lugga...
Sound off! Wel-fare!
Sound off! For us!
Sound off! Welfare for us...not you!